Friday, July 24, 2009

The S Word

Written by: Leluu Multipass

Since sustainability affects all of us, I thought it would be a fitting topic to center my first blog post around. In the millions of years life has evolved on our planet no single species has had the ecological impact we have had, the exception being early life forms that converted our atmosphere into an oxygen rich environment suitable for more diverse life. This process was of course a catalyst for life. Our history of ecological impact however is full of disregard for life, from mass deforestation to hunting to the point of extinction. Slowly but surely we have come to realize that our actions have significant consequences on our surroundings and in turn ourselves. Since we know through evolutionary biology fueled by Charles Darwin, and substantiated by the discovery and sequencing of DNA, that we quite literally are related to every life form on this planet, and through advances in astronomy we can see how improbable our existence is and how insignificant we are in the vastness of the cosmos, the only next step in my humble opinion is to be stewards of earth and the existence of all life. Enter stage right sustainability.


We are now entering an age where the short-term is no longer single handedly a decider, and the long-term holistic view of the consequences of our actions takes center stage. We have a responsibility to embrace sustainability as a way of life. Ideally, embracing sustainability involves living in such a manner that our actions merely constitute facets of the Earth’s many cycles, maintaining and nurturing those cycles for the wellbeing of all biological systems, to meet the needs of the present without compromising the needs of the future. In short, to live within our means. Some aspects of sustainability are undeniably crucial, such as the conservation of resources through the three R’s: reduce, reuse, recycle, the development and implementation of renewable energy sources, and the decline of our habitual meat consumption. Other aspects are heavily debated in the scientific community.

One such topic is the continued use of genetically modified crops. Proponents of the scientific breakthroughs that fueled the green revolution argue that higher yields per square acre, lesser need for pesticides, and the enabling of no-till farming justify the use. Others argue that biodiversity is a very important part of our ecosystem and mass proliferation of GM crops endangers our biodiversity. GM crops require synthetic fertilizers and pesticides, and the continued purchase of seeds, causing farmers who convert from subsistence farming to cash crops to fall into unmanageable debt. The long-term effect of tinkering with gnomes is not fully understood, but supporters argue that we have been tinkering ever since domestication of plants first occurred and genetic engineering is simply a more precise side of the same coin.

Nuclear power has always been a hot topic of debate. On the one hand you have a completely clean source of energy, and the ever essential baseload electricity production. Hydroelectricity is the only other renewable that produces baseload, with future prospects being space solar and fusion, both being many decades away. Many see it as a gateway technology to fossil fuel independence, phasing it out as renewables become more prolific and efficient. On the other hand you have the issue of highly radioactive waste and well documented cases all over the world of increased cancer rates, birth defects and other radiation related deaths simply being in the proximity of facilities. Chernobyl’s affect was so widespread that thyroid cancers doubled in the whole of France! In northeastern France liver and lung cancer rates have gone up by 182%/120% and 225%/272% in women and men respectively. Similar problems were felt throughout Europe. Dealing with the waste is one of the longest-term projects humans have ever attempted to tackle. To call endeavors such as the Yucca Mountain project ‘solutions’ would be blasphemous to the definition of the word. At best they can be described as an inadequate counter of the symptoms. The issues just continue to mount and build upon themselves, but the timeline of climate change and the impending problems associated have the potential to be far worse.

Continued urbanization is seen by many environmentalists as a growing problem because the people in cities tend to use more energy per capita and therefore contribute more toward global warming. Cramped lifestyles lead to less and less vegetation which leads to high import rates of food, both of which contribute to global warming, and water issues as a whole escalate exponentially. Other environmentalists argue that the birthrate of new urban dwellers immediately drops to ‘replacement level’ (2 children per mother) and continues to drop, and that the best way to keep our population in check is through urban development and city migration. They also believe that the cramped lifestyles actually reduce carbon emissions because traveling vertically in an elevator instead of horizontally along a commute and within suburbs is much more energy efficient. Another advantage is the higher rates of public transportation in cities.


There are many debates revolving around sustainability. Luckily, a lot of these are simply out of our reach. What we all should concentrate on is the conservation of our own resources and energy, conscientious consumption, and bringing awareness to the issues and informing others of our intimate interconnectedness.

On a lighter note…
Why I hate Fox News:

Reason One
Reason Two
Reason Three

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Written by: H :(



Anyone who has a dog can tell you that the old saying that a dog is a man’s best friend is definitely true. My dog has essentially become part of my family, he has his Christmas stocking with his name on it and sometimes gets more gifts than anyone else. Although my parents intended on our dog being the families, it didn’t turn out that way. Maybe it was because I gave him skittles or because I played with him the most, but the family dog became my dog and one of my best friends. And as more and more time passes I realize how good of a friend he has been.

He’s been chilling with me for over thirteen years and is coming to the end of his time. I was told that the hardest part of owning a dog is watching him pass away. When his time comes I will undoubtedly be very upset and depressed. But like any good friend I will celebrate his time with me. When I go fishing he sits by me waiting for me to catch a fish. When I sleep he guards my door and warns me if anyone gets near my door. And when I eat he begs like he always has and knows he’s getting a piece of steak when no one is looking.

So before he goes I figured I’d let the world know how great of a guy he has been. Although he didn’t exactly change the world, he did help shape my world. I’ll hate to see him go, but he’s embarking on the greatest journey of his existence and I need to let him go. I’ll miss having my own little guard dog and a loyal fishing buddy, but at least I can say that I had one of the greatest friends in the world.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Cars and Women

Written By: H :) SMJ




The other day I was describing to Rasta Pasta how pleased I was with the tints that I got for my car. As I was admiring her as she basked in the midday sun I realized that Lois, my car, is a lot like a woman. Even choosing a car is like picking someone up for the first time. Imagine if car dealerships were like night clubs for cars. You go over to the dealership and you look around for a car that you think is hot. No one goes to a dealership and thinks to themselves, “I’m gonna find a really ugly car”. Even when you are working with a small budget, the car you choose will be something you like. Similarly, if you go to the club you are looking for someone hot and you gotta work with the resources you have.

Once you’ve found the car that you are interested in being with. The first thing you want to do is get inside her on a regular basis, like a good woman. And the best way to do that is to take her on a date, a test drive or two, to make sure that you like the way she moves. After the date you still have to find some more information about the car before you commit to the relationship. So you’ll look up her history, carfax for a car or facebook for a girl. These resources can let you know if she crashed, had multiple partners, and any other problems that you’d rather not be yours.

After she’s purchased, you introduce her to all of your friends (If she’s hot). Every guy secretly likes it when their girlfriend is hotter than other guys’ girlfriends, and it works the same way with cars. Cars are also like women when it comes to issues regarding money. The more money that you spend on your car on a regular basis to keep her happy, the better she’ll make you feel. Neglecting a car or a woman will bring you undue hardship and before you know it she could even be breaking down on you.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Directionless Boredom


Directionless boredom – a term I once read to describe the working lives of most middle to upper-middle class corporate employees. This seemed to strike a strong chord in me, ringing a little too close to home.


Here I was having spent the last three days, twenty-two and a half hours, or more specifically, 1,350 excruciatingly long minutes trying to make the clock tick faster… It didn’t work and it never does.


Having been at this job for the last year you would think I would have achieved a lot – that I was productive. The truth is I wasn’t. I was easily expendable, but for that matter so was half my department. For all the endless meetings, the constant arsenal of emails attacking my inbox, and the overly excited “how are ya’s?” of co-workers, not much was actually being achieved. It was all an illusion, an act. Despite every employee’s assertion as to how busy they were, I simply wasn’t buying it.


The truth is, the “I’m so busy” knee-jerk response of corporate employees bears a striking resemblance to the individual who will reply that he is fine, well, good, dandy, or any other synonym proudly portraying his contentment despite the fact that he may be torn up inside. Just as the questioner will be shocked by a rare honest answer, such as “I’m awful,” so will the corporate employee who hears from his co-workers that not only is he not busy, but rather he has all the time in the world.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Erin Brockovich II: The Environment Strikes Back

Written by: Rasta Pasta


(above) Erin and Julia; I never understood the resemblance. I mean you have Erin, a middle-aged woman past her prime and with cleavage; and you have Julia a middle-aged woman past her prime and with cleavage. Oh, now I get it.


When we last left our heroine she had just saved the small town residents of Hinkley, California from a contaminated underground water source responsible for triple nipple mutation syndrome. Nevermind that the name Erin Brockovich meant nothing to the two nipple world outside of Hinkley; when Universal Pictures produced a full-length motion picture of the same name in 2000; 5 Oscar nods, one win for Best Actress Julia Roberts, and $256 million in ticket sales later, “Erin Brockovich,” the hardworking single-mother of three, armed with brains, boob, and another boob imbedded herself in American pop culture lore. The charming, perky, defender of wronged mutants subsequently rose from obscurity to form her own consulting firm, receive

(right) A child and resident of Hinkley California grimaces in pain from the effects of the contaminated water source. Will someone please think of the children!

an honorary doctorate from Loyola Marymount University, host several cable television specials, and presumably live happily ever after. Ah good ole Hollywood, so formulated are the story lines, so predictable are the outcomes, yet the willing public continues to fuel the money making enterprise without lull. And then beg for a sequel.

Enter: The environment. Back from the dead with a ferocious vengeance; the unrelenting need to poison human beings too much to suppress for long. The plot line: A carbon copy of Episode I. A small town (Harriman, Tennessee) falls victim to another industrial corporation’s negligence. A dam holding back billions of gallons of coal ash breaks and the small hillside landscape of Harriman transforms into a monstrous ash tray. Months later the town residents claim to have grown tentacles and call in Erin Brockovich to clean up the mess.

(above) Aerial photography of before and after the Harriman coal ash spill. Can you guess which is which? Somebody run to Walmart and buy some OxiClean and paper towels. Will someone please think of the children!

Its been called the worst environmental disaster in United States history, I prefer to think of it as the Tennessee Chernobyl Massacre, but nobody else in the world will care until Universal Pictures decides to produce a movie sequel. But before Julia Roberts dons the push up bra again, here are a few suggestions for improving the sequel:

(left) Erin couldn't do all the work on her own. She called in a Transformer to help.

1) The plot line for the sequel is too similar to the original. Spruce the story up a bit by incorporating a love interest between Erin and Swamp Thing.

2) Find a cameo role for that kid who plays McLovin in “Superbad.” That guy is money!

3) In an unexpected plot twist: Kill off Erin Brockovich. Then, make Erin Brockovich III and have the opening scene consist of Erin rising from bed proclaiming, “Phew! It was all a dream!”

4) Change the time and setting to post apocalyptic Earth 2057. People always dig the terrifying future thing.

5) Never make this movie. For God's sake think of the children!

In other news: Erin Brockovich finds triple nipple hot.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

North Korea Attacks US, South Korean “Space”


Written by: Rasta Pasta

Real people in every corner of the real world have been shocked, shivered, and pissing their pants at the pretense that North Korea may be on the verge of birthing World War III. Now, some sources believe that cyber people have reason to fear as well. South Korean media sources are pointing the finger at North Korean “cyber warfare units” as the culprit behind recent attacks on United States’ and South Korean government websites.


(above) North Korea's Great Leader, Kim Jung-Il, looking fashionable in his North Face Windbreaker and dead Chewbacca hat


The supposed cyber space attack follows a disturbing trend of provocation by North Korean forces that include: the launching of a deadly “communications satellite” -which in Korean translates to Intercontinental Ballistic Missile- meant to broadcast terrible Korean soap operas to the free world; the capture and imprisonment of US journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling–who were later forced to dance the “Thriller”; the renunciation of the cease-fire armistice that ended the Korean War and popular television show M*A*S*H; the vocal opinion that additional UN sanctions, boat inspections, or annoyance by Whale Wars operatives would be viewed as a declaration of war; and finally the launch of yet more missiles - or “short range communication satellites” in Korean.


(right) Laura Ling dances to "Thriller"; she is in the third row, second from the right wearing orange. Unfortunately Euna Lee was not good enough for the final round of auditions


Ogre McOgreson, a World of Warcraft devotee, had this to say about the latest harassment by North Korea: “When will enough be enough? I spend 26 hours a day in my bomb shelter (garage at Mom’s house) in the Warcraft World to escape the horrors of the real world, and now I learn that I have to fear, not only for my physical being, but also for the part of me that really matters, my WoW avatar: Windsurfertreesexogremage. If I had my way, I would end things once and for all; by organizing an epic game of Starcraft (South Korea's National Sport) between the number one South Korean megastar: JaeDong, and one of Kim Jung-Il’s many Strarcraft -and Friends reruns- addicted sons, to settle the rightful owner of Korean soil.”


While Ogre McOgreson’s proposal for world peace may raise a few eyebrows, this blogger was too busy watching terrible Korean soap operas to take notice. It is yet to be revealed where North Korea’s next move will be. Some speculate that after an attack on the real and cyber worlds, logic points to the next attack falling on Furniture World.


In other news: Kim Jung-Il reinvents laughing.


Watch a good example of a terrible Korean soap opera